


Murmurs Before The Dead

by Blockkitty



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Child Abuse, Depression, Domestic Violence, M/M, Mentions/Ideation of Suicide, Needles, Trigger warnings:, Violence, domestic abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-05-08 18:58:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blockkitty/pseuds/Blockkitty
Summary: Two boys want to end their lives, but there's more to life than it seems. Where they meet is in the most unlikely of places. With all of their problems, can they overcome them and live the life of their dreams?[Trigger Warnings in the tags!! Please don't read if you're squeamish towards these subjects!]





	1. The Note

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't expect me to update too often, this is just a work in progress after all.

Shigeru was an absolute disgrace.

He hated himself with a burning passion and none of what he thought was a lie.

He was a disappointment to his family, to his teammates, even to himself.

Of course his parents didn't love him.

They were right when they hit him, cut him, called him a failure, and told him that they wished he had never been born.

No one had ever loved him besides aunt Aiko. And she was dead now. Maybe he would see her soon?

No one could save him from his inevitable demise that he was soon to commit.

So he wrote his note and stuffed it into his open backpack pocket, slinging the bag around and onto his shoulders, leaving his locker in silence to volleyball practice.

Maybe he would grow to accept that he had accidentally left the pocket open. Maybe he would even be grateful that the note had fallen next to the bleachers where his captain had found it…


	2. Unwanted Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tooru finds Shigeru's note.

After practice, when everyone had left, was when Tooru was alone.

Everyone had gone home, tired after a hard day's work. Which was funny, since they had lost the third years' last chance of getting to nationals with the rest of their team. Hopefully their underclassmen could do a better job next year.

Yahaba, and Watari, as well as others, seemed perfectly capable of leading the team to victory. Even with Yahaba's dislike of people and Watari's over-excitement.

It was then that Tooru spotted a loose piece of notebook paper floating around near the bleachers, almost invisible to his eyes.

Placing the brush inside the storage closet and locking up, the brunette decided to pick up the paper, for he was not so fond of littering.

Kneeling down, he let his fingers slide around the smooth paper, feeling soft bumps signaling the pressure from writing. Curious, he turned the paper over to show a whole page of neat script.

After a minute of reading, the truth dawned on Tooru in a horrifying discovery.

It was a suicide note.

Marked at the bottom was the familiar signature of his very own heir to captaincy, Yahaba Shigeru.

His eyes grew wide and his heartbeat began to race, as he realized it had already been enough time since his kouhai had left the school, so he did the only logical thing he could time of…

Run.

He ran out of the gym and onto the street, grateful for the darkness that made it easier to avoid cars as he typed in the familiar number of the emergency contact and put the phone up to his ear, listening to the instant dial back before it transferred him over to the actual line.

"119, what is your emergency?"

Tooru was panting by now, swallowing to catch his breath.

"I just found a-a suicide note from my friend, Shigeru Yahaba. I-I think he's going to attempt something. Please hurry."

He told them Yahaba's address as he continued to run, listening to them as they attempted to console him, but he didn't- couldn't follow their instruction. Because he was already at the driveway.


	3. Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the graphic scene is!

A sting ran across Shigeru's face as his mother's hand met his cheek. He looked at her with defiance, rubbing gently where it stung.

She sneered at him in disgust and anger, her eyes meeting something behind him. It was then that something kicked him forward, Akumu pushing him away from her to the ground.

When he lay winded on the wooden floor, Akumu jabbed him in the side with her heel before full on kicked him in his ribs, not yet satisfied with his yelp.

"I know you're faking it, Shigeru. You just want to get out of it faster. I won't let you go that easily." Akumu snarled as she began to stomp on his ribs and stomach fiercely as Yasha held him down, keeping him from squirming, as well as keeping a hand over his mouth to keep him from yelling out loud.

After spotting a bit of blood seep through Shigeru's uniform, Akumu and Yasha decided that was enough, Yasha letting go of Shigeru and stepping back up, taking his place next to his wife.

"Get up." Shigeru's father commanded, his silvette son attempting to roll to his side to push himself up, but Akumu stomped on his boney hand instead. "Get up the regular way, you imbecile." She said, kicking him onto his back yet again.

He strained to do so, pain engulfing him as he reached towards his toes, his stomach and ribs, of which some were probably cracked by now, causing him pain from where Akumu had punctured with her heel.

Eventually, he managed to shakily stand before them, his parents unimpressed with his achievement, as his father just punched him in his right eye, barely missing his nose.

He yelped and held his eye, his already stinging face hurting worse than before.

He held one hand over the eye and his other hand over that hand, his one good eye staring up defiantly at his abusive parents, the both of them giving him dirty looks.

"Leave our sight." Akumu dismissed him with the wave of her hand, the silvette teenager scrambling to his room, desperate to get away.

Closing his door as gently as he could, he immediately fell against the wall with a soft thud as his weak legs had finally given way. All he needed to do was rest for a minute.

Listening for a while, he finally heard the front door shut. Another bit and his ears picked up a car starting and leaving the garage.

Knowing the both of them were gone, he decided it was time to move.

Shigeru groaned loudly as he pushed himself up against the wall, swaying on his bruised and bleeding legs, cringing as the familiar smell of blood hit his nose from his uniform vest. Looking down at his uniform, he let out a breath as it was trashed. Holes from Akumu's heels, blood from his wounds. He couldn't even imagine what his face looked like right now.

He shook the thought away and opened his door, slinking out of his room to look for his supplies.

Limping into his parent's study, he looked through their desks and file cabinets. Eventually, he found what he was looking for. A box cutter sat at the bottom of the drawer, Shigeru's somewhat shaking hand taking the object.

After acquiring the item, Shigeru went into the bathroom, settling himself next to the bathtub and clicking the boxcutter open to an acceptable length. In the home, a banging sound had started up from the front door, but Shigeru paid it no mind, only one thing on his mind.

He held up the box cutter to his wrist, poking at the side of it with the tip of the sharp object, feeling nothing. After that, he ran the blade softly against the side of his wrist, feeling a slight sting after a moment.

There was a banging in his ears, and he wasn't sure if it was his heartbeat or something in the house. He didn't care. There was no one else who cared either.

After a moment of sitting there in silence, watching the cut on his wrist bead with tiny droplets of blood, he finally breathed out. Turning his wrist over to show the blue vein moving up to his palm, he placed the box cutter's blade at the edge, readying himself. But it was at that moment an older male burst into the bathroom, panting.

Shigeru's eyes widened as he was pulled away from the bathtub, the box cutter falling from his hands and onto the floor with a clatter.

Arms wrapped around the silvette and squeezed him tightly before pulling away, hands grabbing his shoulders and familiar, intense, brown eyes met his own. There were tears in those brown eyes, but they refused to leave, as if they were being held back.

"Shigeru-Chan!" Oikawa gasped out as he held the shorter male by his shoulders. "I'm so glad you're alive." He said, pulling Shigeru into yet another hug.

Shigeru's mind was swimming, as he wasn't sure what was going on. Everything was a blur. What was Oikawa doing here? Was he dead or was he alive still? Oikawa said that he was alive… but was he really?

"Oikawa-San-" He finally spoke.

"Please, call me Tooru." The brunette smiled softly through the pain in his eyes.

"Tooru-San, what's happening?" Shigeru asked, feeling light-headed.

"The ambulance is coming to get you, Shigeru-Chan. Because I found your note."

A feeling of dread weighed Shigeru down like a solid brick as he realized that he had let himself leave his note behind, for no other than his captain to find.

Now he was afraid.

"The ambulance..?" He asked warily, his weak legs shaking and threatening to give way. "What's going to happen, Oi-Tooru-San?"

Oikawa frowned slightly and shook his head, the sound of sirens from the distance coming closer. "I'm not sure, but that must be them. Let me walk you outside…"

Shigeru nodded slowly and limped out of the bathroom, Tooru supporting him as they heard the deafening sirens right outside the house. When they stepped outside, they saw both an ambulance and a police car, people practically running out of their vehicles to look up at the porch where the two teenagers stood.

"Sir." A police officer coughed into his arm after addressing Oikawa. "Do you by chance have that suicide note you mentioned in the call?"

Shigeru looked up at Oikawa with wide eyes, telling him through telepathy that he would be alright. But Oikawa seemed to either not see or else completely ignore the look, for he dug the note out of his pocket and gave it to the officer.

"And this note is by you, correct?"

The words jumbled in Shigeru's mind for a moment as he nodded absentmindedly, not in the present.

The officer took a minute to read the note before giving the note to a paramedic for her to read.

"Yahaba-Kun, please get onto the stretcher so we can take you to the hospital." The paramedic pointed to the stretcher that was pulled from the back of the ambulance. Shigeru opened his mouth to object, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. Looking towards the disturbance, he observed the concerned look on Oikawa's face. He sighed and nodded slightly, turning away and slowly moving towards the stretcher.

They loaded him onto it, the paramedics asking him to rest his head as they strapped him in, which he had a hard time doing as he wanted to watch what was going on around him. Though he growing weaker by the minute, his eyes fluttering and his limbs twitching in pain and tiredness.

"What about Tooru-San?" He asked in a voice deep from weariness. The paramedic who held his note turned her head to Shigeru's superior as she closed the back of the ambulance.

"The police officer will ask him a few questions, then he'll be able to leave. And don't worry, he'll be told to not tell anyone at your school about this." She told him in a reassuring voice before hooking Shigeru up with a pulse oximeter on his finger and a blood pressure monitor. They were common things he saw while visiting the clinic, as he remembered them fairly well.

"How are you feeling?" The paramedic asked him, looking him over. She looked worried when he flinched as he moved.

"Everything hurts…" He said honestly, turning his head to the side so he could avoid looking at her and the other as the ambulance began to move. "Mainly my ribs, abdomen, and my eye…" he lifted his shaking arm to point to his bloody uniform and his developing black eye.

The other paramedic wrote something on his clipboard, Shigeru guessing it was their hypothesis on what had happened to him, but that was their next question, unbeknownst to him.

"What happened to you? In your note it said that your parents are abusing you.. Is that true?" The lady paramedic asked, and for some reason Shigeru hesitated. If he ended up back with his parents, they'd surely beat him until death, but he also wanted desperately to reach out and get help.

She seemed to notice his hesitation, as she waited patiently for him to answer. Though when the seconds turned into a minute, she sighed. Shigeru panicked at that moment and ended up blurting it out.

"Ever since I was a kid when my aunt died. She was the only one who protected me. When she died, they began to beat me at every inconvenience I caused." He felt tears well up in his eyes, and he sniffled them back. "If I get a bad grade, if I skip out on chores, anything that's an excuse to hurt me."

She seemed taken aback at the sudden admittance from him, her eyes showing the shock. He breathed out, feeling the splitting pain in his chest and gritting his teeth and hissing.

The other paramedic pulled out his walkie talkie and urged the driver to go faster since Shigeru was in pain. It was almost funny how pathetic he probably looked in that instance..

He sighed with a short breath, closing his eyes and feeling the vibrations of the vehicle as it hit even the most subtle bumps. He was starting to drift away from them, slipping into sleep.

"Yahaba-Kun, please try to stay awake for us. We're almost there." The lady informed, shocking him out of his trance. There, for the next few minutes, he fought against passing out.

Finally, the vehicle came to a stop and the back doors opened, Shigeru's stretcher being pulled out from the back and into the hospital where they guided him outside a little room, finally unstrapping him from the stretcher.

"Yahaba-Kun, can you walk with us? It'll be very short, I promise." She held out her hand to him, the silvette taking it hesitantly, slipping his legs over the side of the stretcher and jumping down delicately. Everything hurt, though it wasn't the worse it had been. That's what he kept telling himself.

Shigeru followed them, swaying. They led him into the little room where a hospital bed awaited him, the paramedics encouraging him to lie down on it, which he did in relief.

"A nurse will see you shortly." The lady paramedic told him before she and her companion left the room, leaving him alone.


	4. No Light *Part One*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are squeamish towards needles, you probably shouldn't read this.

Kentarou Kyoutani hated himself.

Everyone else hated him too.

He didn't blame them at all, for he was aggressive, skipped out on classes and practice, and never spent any time with anyone.

He had been told many times that it would be better off for everyone if he just killed himself.

He believed them.

He held his head between his hands as he stared at the bottle of pills in front of him on the bathroom counter.

His head was throbbing as he took his hands away and grabbed at the bottle and unscrewed it open, pouring a generous amount into his free hand. Though before he could swallow them with the water he just poured, his mother walked into the bathroom.

"… Kentarou… What are you doing?" She asked slowly, staring at the pills in his one hand and the water in the other. Kentarou could almost see the gears turning in her head as she processed what she was witnessing.

Suddenly it clicked in her head and she slapped the pills from her son's hand, the small white objects flying as she wrapped her arms around him tightly, causing him to also drop his glass, the cup bouncing off the floor before the water spilled from it.

"Oh honey… Please don't go…" She was crying into his shoulder and he felt guilt well up in his chest. It made him hate himself more than ever.

"Mom… Please-"

"Honey, there are ways to help you."

He looked down at her with dull eyes, wanting to know what she meant. He already had medication for his depression. In fact, that was the medication he had been about to consume to overdose.

"What's the point, anyway." It wasn't even much of a question but a statement. Though His mother seemed to have something else in mind, for she pulled away and looked into his amber eyes.

"Do you want to try the hospital?"

She asked it slowly, yet Kentarou had trouble grasping it. He pictured going to the hospital and just lying in one of those generic beds for a few days, though it didn't seem unpleasant.

He sighed and shrugged, blinking his heavy eyes. "If it helps.."

His mother nodded and pulled her son away from the bathroom and placed him at the door of her room. She nodded for him to stay put as she got on her outdoor clothes, boots, and coat.

Once she left her room, closing the door behind her, she allowed him to do the same. Though despite it being chilly out, he decided to go without a coat. Only wearing his jeans, his black T-shirt, and his dark turquoise sneakers.

His mother looked at him and shook her head, grabbing his coat and throwing it over her shoulder as she grabbed the apartment keys, leading Kentarou outside into the hall of the building, locking the door behind them.

"Okay, sweetie, let's go." She almost whispered, yet it was all Kentarou's ears could pick up in that moment. It was so quiet.

They silently left the building and piled into the small car, Kentarou, of course, sitting in the front with his mother. She started the car and backed up, soon moving out of the parking lot and onto the street. She seemed to send him side glances every once in a while, which he was quite aware of, though he stared straight ahead, watching as she turned the car onto the highway.

They sat in silence as she drove, though it was not long until she pulled into the lanes for the hospital, the car soon being parked in the lot of the Emergency Room. The two got out of the car, shut their doors, and made their way to the Emergency Room entrance.

He stood next to his mother as she walked up to the desk, the lady looking up from the computer and smiling at them, looking slightly tired. Kentarou didn't blame her, since it was pretty late at night.

"How may I help you?" She asked the two. Kentarou's mother softly resting her hand on her son's shoulder, breathing in before speaking. "He wants to be admitted into the hospital."

The lady's smile turned sympathetic, looking over the blonde teenager. "Is it alright if I ask why you would like to be admitted?"

Kentarou nodded softly, hesitant to speak. He hated talking about this, but he knew he had no choice if he wanted to get better. That's how it was.

"I'm suicidal." he spoke softly, but he knew it was enough since the lady nodded and started typing on the computer in front of her. "Can I have a first name, last name, and age?" She asked after she stopped typing.

He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, finding himself unmotivated to even talk. Though he forced himself to speak. "Kentarou Kyoutani, 17." He sighed afterward, his eyelids drooping in tiredness.

She hummed and soon a wristband was printed from a small black machine next to the computer. She took the wristband and leaned over the counter, Kentarou putting out his arm so that she could wrap it around his wrist and stick it together.

"Please sit down if you'd like, someone will call you in soon." She smiled at them one last time, the two sitting down next to the window, watching the dark sky. It wasn't long before a man appeared in the doorway next to the main counter. "Kentarou Kyoutani."

The two stood up and looked to each other before following the man through the doors. He turned to them once they were at the weight scale and wall mounted height rod, nodding at Kentarou. "Please take off your shoes and step on the scale." The sentence was familiar, from every clinic he had visited. Of course, this time it was different also.

He did as he was told, taking off his dark teal sneakers and stepping onto the weighing scale, watching as the numbers popped up onto the small screen. This made him sigh, feeling indifferent.

Once the nurse got the numbers written down, Kentarou stepped down from the scale and stood up against the measuring rod, the man in front of him gently moving down the measuring tool to rest on his head. He quickly jotted down the numbers then lifted the tool, nodding at Kentarou for him to leave the wall.

Kentarou grabbed his shoes and slid them back onto his feet, he and his mother silently following the nurse into a room. The room had a hospital bed and two chairs, one next to the bed and one on the other side of the room. Otherwise, it was quite small.

"Please lie down, we can get you a blanket if you want?" When Kentarou shook his head, the nurse nodded once again. "Alright. A doctor will see you soon to ask you some questions." With that, he left, leaving Kentarou and his mother alone.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before there was a knock at the door, a doctor coming in with a kind smile. He sat down in the chair next to the bed, a clipboard and pen in his hands. "Alright, Kentarou-San. I'm Doctor Abe. I'll just be asking you a few questions before they come in and take some blood. Is that alright?"

Kentarou nodded silently, his eyelids drooping with disinterest. The doctor didn't seem to notice, as he asked his questions.

The first questions were short answer questions, like 'what are you feeling', 'why do you want to be admitted into the hospital', and such like that. Next, the questions were either yes or no, like 'do you feel safe with yourself at home', 'do you feel safe at home period', and things like that. There was one question that really got to him, however. It went like 'are you being abused in any way'. He had felt very strangely towards that question, as he had never been abused in his life.

The questions were over in about seven minutes, maybe less. Doctor Abe left them alone again, telling them that the doctors would soon come in to take his blood. That caused Kentarou to gulp slightly, though he didn't object.

It took a long while, at least thirty minutes, but they soon arrived. The doctor knocked on the door first before entering, pulling a cart behind him. He wheeled the cart to stand right next to the bed, getting the needle, blood tubes, and the small white plastic tube that was attached to the needle.

The doctor took a brightly colored rubber band and tied it around Kentarou's arm, turning the arm to face up, his veins visible. "You'll feel a slight pinch." The doctor told him before gently pricking the needle in. He made sure the needle was secure before attaching the small glass cylinder to the connecting tube. Kentarou watched the blood travel from his arm through the tube and into the tube. He was both disgusted and fascinated.

A few tubes later and they were done, the doctor removing the needle and replacing it with a cotton gauze ball and tape to keep it there. He nodded to the both of them, telling them that it would be a while until the tests were done before leaving the room.

It took at least two hours there for the tests to finish. By that time, Kentarou's mother had fallen asleep in her chair, leaving Kentarou alone with his thoughts. He had started scratching at his wrist in habit before the doctor came in with the test. He quickly hid his arm from him, before looking at his mother.

The doctor didn't notice the scratches on his arm and continued on his way, waking Kentarou's mother. She awoke with a mumble before remembering where they were, now wide awake.

"The blood tests are all finished and there's nothing wrong with Kentarou's blood. Now we did our research and there is a bed open in a hospital in Tokyo. We pulled up the directions for you unless you want him traveling with someone else." The doctor said, Kentarou's mother shaking her head. "I can take him." She told them both, the doctor nodding and handing her a print of the directions to the Tokyo hospital.

"Thank you very much." She sighed gratefully, the doctor nodding and offering to lead them back to the office. They agreed, Kentarou getting up from the bed and following the adults to the office. Kentarou's mother thanked them once again before leading her son back outside to the car.

Kentarou looked up to see the waxing gibbous moon, shining upon them. He sighed as he and his mother got into the car, the vehicle being started the moment they were settled. And there they left the hospital to the one in Tokyo, taking yet another few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know this doesn't seem like much of a realistic scene, but trust me, this is sometimes how it goes.


	5. No Light *Final Part*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kentarou makes it to the hospital and the doctor there asks some questions...

Kentarou was relieved when they finally got to park the car and get out. He stretched when he got out, helping his mother out. She seemed very tired, but she persevered. He held her arm as the two made their way to the behavioral health unit. 

The two were greeted by a nurse who looked quite cheery despite the time of night it was. She led them to a locker room where Kentarou's mother placed her phone and keys in a locker and locked them up. There, another nurse met up with them, telling them that Kentarou was to go with him and his mother was to go with the other. 

Kentarou was hesitant, but he agreed, going with him. They walked into the unit, moving into a room. The room had a bed, a nightstand next to it, and on the other side of the room was a bathroom connected to it, as well as a closet, a desk, a chair, and of course a window. 

The nurse grabbed a few things from the closet, turning to Kentarou. "I have to watch you put these on. Sorry." The man smiled apologetically as he handed the items to the blonde one by one, showing him what they were as he gave them to him. 

Kentarou, upon looking at them, realized that they were clothes- more specifically, scrubs and hospital socks. Taking them and placing them down onto the bed for a minute as he stripped from his shirt, sneakers, socks, and jeans, giving his clothes to the nurse and putting on the scrubs and the socks. 

Eventually he realized that these scrubs were of one of his favorite colors, a pleasant minty green. It reminded him that there were still a few more nice things left. After he was finished getting changed, the nurse took his clothes and locked them up in the closest he had gotten the scrub from. After that, he turned to Kentarou and smiled a bit, gesturing him over. "We're off to meet your mother and see your hospital doctor, okay?" He turned on his heels towards the door upon seeing Kentarou nod, marching him out of his room and down the hall from where they had originally came.

Kentarou took this time to look around, curious as to where he really was. Turning his head around every which way, he saw many other rooms, an enclosed desk area with other nurses, and a few other rooms with windows peeking inside them, but of course, there was nothing going on inside, due to the ridiculous time of night it was. 

He stifled a yawn as the nurse brought him to a room on the other side of the hall, past the desk area, and near the large automatic doors that they had come through. Looking in, the room was very small, with only room for a computer desk and a few chairs; nothing else. There, he saw his mother sitting in one of the chairs with an unfamiliar man sitting at the computer desk.

The nurse knocked on the door before using his keycard to unlock the door, allowing him to pull it open. "Come on in." The man with his mother said nonchalantly, Kentarou giving a sigh and stepping into the room, joining his mother at the second chair next to hers, not waiting for the man to tell him to sit down. Looking around after hearing the door click, he realized the nurse had left them alone. 

The man behind the computer gave a cough, Kentarou turning back to face him. He watched the man pull out a stack of papers, and he raised an eyebrow in suspicion, though he said nothing. "Before we start," The man said, adjusting his glasses. "I am doctor Miyazaki. I will be your doctor during your stay. So, I heard that you are suicidal? What is your story, If you don't mind me asking?" The doctor asked, his hands and fingers positioned over his keyboard, ready to type.

Kentarou sighed heavily and looked to his mother helplessly, and she nodded in encouragement. He then turned to the doctor and began to speak. 

"Well…" He started. "I haven't been right for a long time. I think it started when my dad died, but it know it started when I was younger. I was aggressive for a long time, and I still am to some part. And I hate myself for it. And it's even worse because people think I'm fun to mess with; and I probably am." He groaned and held his head in his hands, feeling his eyes burn with tears, but he refused to let them out. Feeling his mother's comforting hand on his back, he continued. "And things just keeping getting worse and worse. I feel like I don't belong anywhere in this world, like no one would care if I didn't exist anymore. If I just disappeared, no one would notice."

Besides the sound of the typing of keys, he could hear his mother sniffle slightly, and he instantly felt worse than how he just was originally feeling, and he looked up to see her keeping her composure well and giving him a smile to reassure him. 

"So are you saying you are being bullied?" The doctor asked him, pausing his typing. Kentarou shrugged lightly and swayed his had a bit. "If there's no other term for it, then.. Yeah. Everywhere I go, someone looks at me strangely, someone calls me a name, sometimes they even throw things at me when I'm at school in the cafeteria. I hate them." He said, now seething with resentment, but ironically, it was mainly towards himself. "And I hate me."

Doctor Miyazaki started to type again after Kentarou's words, looking a bit bothered, but he mainly kept a straight face. After he finished typing again, he did a few clicks of the mouse then continued onto the next question. "What would you say the extremity of the bullying is at on a scale of one through ten? One being not that bad, and ten being that they've hurt you so badly that you can't go on functioning in that area."

Kentarou thought about this one carefully, as he knew it was definitely not a one, but not so much of a ten. "I would say an eight or nine." He finally answered, mainly assuring to himself that it was around that scale. He heard the doctor make a hum in his throat as he typed some more. 

From there on, the doctor switched topics into the same questions he had heard back in the emergency room. He answered them with the same responses, if not a bit modified, he had told those doctors and nurses. He was slowly growing more tired as the questions progressed, and all he wanted in that very moment was sleep. 

The questions soon ended, and doctor Miyazaki pulled a few papers from the stack on the desk. "I will you both to sign these forms, allowing us to keep and share information on the situation, as well as these other forms…" Kentarou blanked out as he only half listened. It was mainly for his mother anyway, but he did hear one about phone numbers and who he would want to call. 

They continued on with signing the documents and forms, Kentarou's head nodding slightly as he worked his signature one paper after the other. Though eventually, they finished with the few that Miyazaki had wanted them to sign. 

After that, Miyazaki stood up and held out his hand towards his mother for a handshake, his mother taking his hand. They shook, then it was Kentarou's turn. He shook Miyazaki's hand too, but more slowly and hesitantly.

"I promise you that Kentarou-San will be in good hands here. Please say your goodbyes for a few minutes, then nurse Saito will bring you back you back to your room." Miyazaki switched from talking to Kentarou's mother to him in that moment, but they both got was needed to be done. This had definitely been very different for him, but at the same time, he felt that he could get better here.

His mother ended the silence by giving Kentarou one of her tightest hugs. "Please be patient with them, sweetie. When they think you're ready to go, you're ready. But don't try to rush going home, okay? Promise me this." She said, pulling away and giving him her expectant amber stare to match his own. He nodded slowly, wondering what she meant. Though he eternally shrugged and hugged her one more time, feeling the deep sadness in his chest. He wanted to stay with her longer, but he knew she had to go. So after a few seconds he pulled away and nodded to her once again.

She smiled encouragingly and turned her head to Miyazaki, her stare saying that they were ready to go. He also nodded and opened the door, the three of them stepping out into what Kentarou could only describe as a lounge room. 

There he turned to his mother and they both said their verbal goodbyes, the nurse coming back up to Kentarou as the doctor escorted her to the large automatic doors, using his keycard to allow the both of them to leave. Kentarou watched them leave before looking up at the nurse with tired yet ready eyes. 

The nurse, Saito, nodded and lead the way back to Kentarou's room, where Kentarou sat on his bed. The nurse nodded to him and asked him: "Do you need anything before you sleep?" Kentarou thought about it, but he shook his head, looking at the clock. It was nearing two in the morning, and he could feel everything weighing down in tiredness. The nurse nodded his head once again. "come to the front desk if you need anything. We can't give you anything as of now, but if you ask, we could order you some sleeping aid pills for tomorrow." 

Kentarou shook his head. "It's okay." he told Saito, and allowed himself to lie down. Saito then turned off the lights and let him finally be alone, though he knew he saw a camera in the corner of the room, that was only an eighth of his problems. His head was swimming with thoughts now, but when he closed his eyes, he finally let sleep take him in…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I KNOW IT'S BORING- This is how life is, but soon the juicy stuff will happen. REMEMBER!!! This is supposed to end as a feel-good story. Right now it is very morbid, but I promise that it will lighten up as the story progresses.   
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


	6. Broken Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kentarou's first half of the day is much different than he expected.

Kentarou awoke to light flooding the room from the bulb above him, making him shrink back under his blanket before hearing a voice. 

"Kyoutani-San? Are you awake?" A woman's voice awoke him the rest of the way, causing him to pull the blanket down from his face and sit up to see a nurse peeking into the room. "Breakfast is in five minutes, please come out and join us." 

And with that, she was gone, replaced with another nurse. Another female. "Hello, Kyoutani-San?" 

Kentarou felt a numb stab of annoyance, but he answered back. "Yes?" He asked, his voice indifferent. The nurse breathed in a sigh of relief before pulling a cart into the room and beside his bed. "I'm going to take your vitals and ask you some questions, okay?"

Kentarou could feel his jaw tighten with annoyance, and his thoughts began to swim in his mind, as he realized he was both curious and hating to be here. But he nodded anyway.

The nurse nodded and slipped a blue blood pressure band around his right arm and it began to tighten on its own, the machine on the cart making a whirring sound. Also at that moment, she pulled a familiar thermometer from the cart as well, putting a new plastic covering on it skillfully and asking quietly for him to open his mouth. "Put it under your tongue, please." she instructed him. He did as she asked, cringing at the band on his arm as it was tightening around his arm, slightly hurting.

Soon, both machines made a beep, signaling that they were done with their job. So she took the thermometer out of his mouth, discarded the plastic covering, then put it back in its place on the cart before undoing the band on his arm and also putting it back. "Okay, Kyoutani-San. On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your depression right now?" 

He sighed heavily, as he really hated these questions. Thinking quickly, scanning his mood, he answered. "Around a nine." He said, blinking up at here from his position on the bed as she began to write on her clipboard. Without looking up, she asked her next question. "On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your anxiety levels?" 

"A seven or eight." He swung his legs from under his blanket to the cool wooden floor, the cold feeling good against his hot skin. She nodded and wrote that down too. "Do you feel like hurting yourself right now?" 

He would cringe at that question, but he didn't feel the motivation to even do that, so he just answered, "No." 

He was asked about two more questions that he tried to answer as truthfully as he could before she finally nodded and put her clipboard on the cart. "Thank you, Kyoutani-San. You are free to come out and have breakfast." she smiled at him then grabbed the cart, rolling it out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He could feel the overwhelming fear and anxiety start to boost up, but he shook the thoughts away before they took control. So he stood up, moving slowly to the door, peaking out into the hall, where some other patients were moving towards the lounge. Kentarou noticed the few patients at the tables, as well as a large metal cart with two doors, one of which was open due to another patient grabbing a tray-ish looking thing with a dome like cap on top of it. Kentarou could only guess that there was food underneath it. 

He breathed in before leaving the doorway, walking over to the lounge. He could feel his heat beating faster with every step he took, as well as the feeling of eyes on him. He tried to maintain his indifferent posture as he walked up to the cart, glancing at the other patients who were eating and stealing looks at him. When they realized that they were caught, they quickly turned back to each other, their voices becoming a bit hushed as he could only guess that they were talking about him.

He sighed and looked at the dome trays, looking for which ever one could be his. He then noticed receipts stuck to each one. Looking at each one, he also saw that there were names on each one. After a few seconds of skimming over each one, he saw the one with "Kentarou Kyoutani" printed on it. Taking his tray, he looked around for an empty table, not wanting to sit with anyone just yet. There was an empty table, he noticed, next to a wall. So he took his chance and sat there, claiming it quickly before anyone else could. 

He glanced at the others, looking over them. Most of them looked pretty dull, but a few of them had different colored hair or actual clothes instead of scrubs. He envied those with clothes, he knew that they could look over at him anytime, so he took his stare away and took the dome cover away from his tray, looking over the warm, lovely smelling waffles. 

Upon seeing the food, he could feel his stomach pangs. So he looked for syrup and found it, the little plastic cup as plain as day against the real food. So he grabbed it and peeled the top off before pouring its contents over his waffles. Finding a plastic fork, spoon, and knife, he grabbed the fork and knife and began to work at the waffles, eating slowly. Looking at the clock, he noticed that it was around eight, and he made a face having realized he had less than six hours of sleep. 

Sipping on a glass of apple juice, he had finished with his waffles and was now working on a fruit cup. He didn't smile, but he could feel his lips twitching in gratefulness to whomever had put together the food. 

After he finished eating and such, he looked around at those who actually knew what to do. Was he to just keep it here? Or did they put the trays back? He noticed one of the patients, a younger looking brunette girl, put the dome cap back over her empty tray and stand up, taking her tray and putting it back into the metal cart. But she didn't go back to her table, for instead, she walked over to the shelves and grabbed a colored yellow piece of paper with some sort of writing on it. 

Kentarou watched her fill it out with one of the short, stubby pencils, her face misty as she thought about what she was doing. Though eventually, when she had filled out both sides of the paper, she brought it back to that shelf, put it in a basket, then grabbed yet another paper, this time it was just plain white. When she went back to her table, she kept it under her hand, not filling this one out. 

Kentarou frowned, but decided to follow her lead, taking his tray back to where he had gotten it from the cart, before moving to the shelves, blinking down at both the colored papers and the white papers. Taking both of them, he first looked at the yellow paper, looking over the printed writing. After inspecting it for a minute, he realized this was a menu. He then also realized that the waffles he had gotten were not his pick, for they didn't have him fill out one of these sheets last night. 

Next, he looked at the white paper, seeing a grid with many different activities, names, and room numbers, he could only assume. At the top of the paper over the grid was the word in bold: "WEEKDAYS". Upon seeing that, it clicked in his head that could very well be a schedule. Of course, it said nowhere on the sheet, so he could only think that right and hope for the best. 

Right there at the shelf, he filled out the yellow paper, picking what he wanted for the next day. Once finished, he put it in the same basket where the brunette girl had put her own. Now he was only left with his white sheet, so he found his way back to his own table and sat down, blinking at the windows, of which were colored and decorated with encouraging messages, many being cheesy, but some of them actually quite uplifting. Though he still felt bad. 

Sighing heavily, he grabbed one of the stubby pencils in the middle of the table and flipped his schedule to its blank side, doodling a face. He didn't know who's face it was yet, but he didn't dwell on it, as he sketched the lines softly on the paper, the picture almost faded before he drew slightly harder, the curves and lines becoming darker as he finished up the rough sketch of the face. 

Looking out the window of the hospital, he suddenly had a pang, wishing he was home instead of this strange, unfamiliar place. But he had promised his mother that he would give the place a chance, so he was determined to stay strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this is a short chapter, and it kind of ends in a weird way, but I really had no motivation to finish it, plus I have some other things in mind... So please keep yourself on your toes!


End file.
